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The Proposal

Hello all. It's been really hard keeping this space updated but It’s partly due to the barrage of academic work I have to deal wi...

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Midnight Monologues : A letter to my past.

You know that feeling you get when you sometimes look back and wonder: "How did it all come to this?" 

It's been 5 years.. but Facebook has a queer way of reopening old wounds, and I think, on days like these, there is a heightened sense of awareness towards the "struggles" that occurred.

On days like these, I wonder : What could I possibly have done to upset them, even though I don't think that we had ever spoken more than a few words face to face? Perhaps it's been so long that they have forgotten, or refuse to remember because they'd cringe when they looked back at the things they said, because I do. I cringe at the fact that I had done nothing apart from letting these memories torment me.

I guess I could have retaliated, but I didn't understand their game and I had no desire to learn the rules.. so, I ran. I tried to put as much distance as I possibly could between each and every one of them once I'd graduated. I burned bridges, severed all ties and kept only a select few around me. 

But the following years were no different. I tried starting life afresh but now that I think of it, nothing really changed. I think the only thing I ever learned was just to stop making friends, to stop opening up to people because they would just listen to what I had to say, and laugh at me behind me back... and it was exhausting. I felt trapped and suffocated. I constantly wished I was stronger back then so that things would've turned out differently. 

Until the day I decided to stop giving them power over me.
 I decided to be thankful instead : because I learned to turn inwards and focus on myself. I learned to be humble, to be sincere, to be kind, to be helpful, to be forgiving. I learned to check my own expectations, and I learned to stop trying to impress.

 And now, come to think of it, I wouldn't change a thing.

“The past was worth remembering and knowing in its own right. It was not behind us, never truly behind us, but under us, holding us up, a foundation for all that was to come and everything that had ever been.”

― Laura Lippman, In a Strange City

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Update : Life in Melbourne

Ola, dear readers.

I suppose an update is now way past due? I cannot say that I've completely lost my passion for blogging, but the past few months were... for lack of a better term, hectic. To quote Scott Spencer "Everything was terrifyingly complex; everything was terrifyingly simple."

A photo posted by Gillian Ong (@gilly214) on

I always start by saying.. How time flies. But since we're on a relatable topic, let me make a small shoutout to Jord Wood Watches for being so kind as to sponsor me this gorgeous piece - the Fieldcrest in Dark Sandalwood.

In short, I've made a rather drastic decision to uproot my life, move to Melbourne and undergo a career pathway change, transitioning from my previous PR/Advertising diploma to now - my second semester as a Psych/Crim Major. Some would say well it's still Arts.. but it's still a pretty big change, and I suppose the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge headfirst into it, and move with it.

Why not further studies in Malaysia, some of you might ask? Initially, I'd wanted to take Bachelor of Global Studies in Monash Malaysia but by the time I'd completed my Internship (best time of my life), they'd stopped offering that course option. Anyhow, a few weeks worth of applications,packing and goodbyes later.. here I am (was). I only sorted out my student visa after I'd arrived in Melbourne.

I stayed on campus in my first semester - at Logan Hall. I really would recommend it as a good starting point to make new friends and help with the cultural and academic side of things - no excuses for not being able to make it to lectures in time, haha. Oh and they had huge windows, which was perfect for me.

A photo posted by Gillian Ong (@gilly214) on

To be honest, I didn't find the transition hard, and I really loved it here. It was exactly the kind of city I thrived in, with a strong coffee culture and so much to explore..(yet again let me make a quick shoutout to Sardi Cafe for having me & Wee Tjun (yes new friend) over for a food review. As always, I'm very honest - and I proudly recommend their hotcakes. :p

It was all well and good until I realised how much I actually missed Malaysian food (yes, just the food.. and the extended store opening hours). I'd gone back for a short while last semester and it was not until I was back on Australian soil did it hit me that I really really really craved for some good Banana Leaf Rice/Cheese Naan/Milo(yes Australian milo is different)/Koay Teow Th'ng. Well, I guess the good thing is that my sister has joined me here, so there's one less thing for me to worry about. Naturally, I've had to move to a bigger place too.

A photo posted by Gillian Ong (@gilly214) on

The good part that makes up for it all : the abundance of raves & music events and the awesome Trance community in Melbourne. I've been to 3 large scale events so far(countless small ones) and all i can say is that I'm constantly looking forward to the next. Needless to say, my snapchat is a tell-all for what i've been up to.

It's the usual dilemma, I suppose. I think I've made the right decision to move here because I've had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, make new ones.. though I still think I suck at maintaining friendships.. (lol). I daren't think about the long term yet, but given the state of my beloved home country.. I'm a few steps away from giving up for good.

I guess this quote sums it all up perfectly:

I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.- Daniel Keyes

Till next time,
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