When Healthy Love Feels Boring

by - 9/10/2019 09:27:00 PM

When you’re given a glimpse of what a healthy, whole relationship is supposed to feel like; you can’t help but notice, and wonder why people play mind games with their partners in their efforts to feel loved and cared for. Too many of us are out of touch with our shadows, and unconsciously feel excitement and even turned on by conflict or chaos in our relationships.

If you grew up in chaos, you might have learned that one had to be manipulative.. or had to work hard to have your relational needs met; and settling into a stable relationship as an adult with this kind of history isn’t so simple.

The result? is a world of resentful over-givers, anxious and avoidant lovers, and conflict-oriented communicators that leave little room for being seen, heard and understood.

If we never learned how to be in healthy, happy relationships, or to communicate and set boundaries from a place of self-love, how do we do it now, as adults?

One of the blindspots in those of us with an addiction to chaos is that the constant disruption is a giant distraction from our own healing work. Being able to recognize, own and accept that this pattern is alive in your relationships is the access-point to shifting it.

Healthy love isn’t a roller-coaster. It isn’t a daily drama with all-consuming ups and downs.
The constant rush of co-created chaos that stem from arguments and conflict that many of us deem “passionate” is really just a sign cover for disharmony with our own inner-child and unresolved wounding.

Healthy love is stable, and often uneventful.

It's two people who come back to the safety of their connection each day while living in service to their higher purpose in the world.

All relationships have challenges.

We will all be brought to our edge many times over when it comes to our intimate connections. But the difference is in knowing how to navigate our edges with grace and patience when we come up against them.

Over time, we can rewire our response to conflict and learn how to find peace in safe, healthy connections. It takes time, radical honesty, and a deep willingness to own the parts of ourselves we've kept under lock and key. It is easy to be discouraged because sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re feeling for someone else who needs space held for them ; or new feelings that arise out of nowhere that confuse you, because people can only meet you as far as they have met themselves. Anything more can often feel intimidating, and almost, just almost insane.

May we all be courageous enough to do this healing work, and may we all have the opportunity to love and be loved.

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